Day 107

I am painfully shy. Went to dinner with Kai, and started talking about boys. There's this boy in my Japanese class, and I think he's really cool, but I don't even know his name. Good-looking guys terrify me. I'm always afraid they already have girlfriends, or that they don't want to talk to me because I'm not pretty. And I'm scared I'll say or do something wrong, and they'll just think I'm stupid or strange, and ignore me. My lovelife is, well, not really a life at all. I've told guys I've liked them, but they either move away, turn out to be gay, turn out to be total jerks, ask out my twin sister a week later, or start to ignore me. So now, I'm just too scared to talk to anyone. I guess I'm scared of people in general. It's strange, isn't it, for a person to be terrified of people. But I'm so scared that they're all staring at me and judging me, labeling me as 'the fat girl of the group'. I mean, I know I'm not pretty, but when I even read what I just wrote... I feel really sad. I mean, truth be told, I'm probably all right, appearance-wise. But I feel ugly. And it makes me sad when I look in the mirror and see some fat girl looking back at me.